


memories (you're made of this)

by jayhood



Series: HIC time travel fix-it [1]
Category: Heroes in Crisis (DCU Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics)
Genre: Bruce Wayne's A++ parenting, Gen, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:26:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23249938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayhood/pseuds/jayhood
Summary: From my tumblr Jason Todd headcanon challenge. Anonymous asked:Jason doesn’t have vivid memories from before the Lazarus pit. He only remembers the feelings associated with those memories.
Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Roy Harper & Jason Todd
Series: HIC time travel fix-it [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1671670
Comments: 2
Kudos: 63





	memories (you're made of this)

“Yeah, buddy,” Roy said. “I die, and you don’t even try to avenge me? I feel hurt. A lot.”

Jason looked up at him. Roy was smiling, so it was just him giving Jason shit. He replied, though. It was still novel, talking to Roy and having him to talk back. He knew it would wear off soon but… Not yet.

“You would rather I killed your buddy West?”

“Nuh-uh, you couldn’t know it was him at the start. Batman didn’t know, even!”

Roy was still smiling.

“I mean, you had that nervous breakdown where you tried to kill your father…”

“Not my father. And I didn’t want to  _ kill _ him…”

Roy talked over him, widely gesticulating.

“And your brothers…”

“For fuck’s sake, again, if I wanted…”

“Because you remained unavenged or something. I would think with that attitude you would at least look into the gruesome murder of your tragically beautiful best friend.”

Roy batted his lashes at him.

“Is that how you see yourself? Uh-huh.”

“Hey!” Roy punched him in the thigh, mock-offended.

“Maybe I had shit to do. Stuff.  _ Important _ things, you know?”

“Ouch,” Roy grinned wide.

Jason sighed and mumbled, “I was tracking down the Solitary when I heard.”

Roy crooned, “So you decided to finish the last mission we were on together? Actually doing what I would have wanted instead of what you did? Aww, Jaybird.”

This was why Jason didn’t like to talk to Roy. Everything he told was used against him.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m a big romantic, me.”

“The biggest,” Roy whispered, his lips touching Jason’s cheek softly. He was smiling sincerely, now.

Jason moved away not because he was uncomfortable with other guys showing their affection physically but because it was hot here, he needed some space.

“Besides, I promised him I won’t.”

“What? Who?”

Roy’s body tensed. Jason looked at him quickly.

“Bruce? When he found me to tell me the news, I mean.”

“Bruce Wayne, as in Batman. As in your not-father.”

“Why you’re being weird? Yeah, him. He was tactful, for once. And hugged me.”

“As in, the same person who beat you up so bad I had to Humpty-dumpty you off that roof? Had to fire an arrow at him to keep him away? Had to Florence Nightingale you for two months before you could so much as ride a bike?”

The smile was gone, and Roy who was left behind was becoming more and more pissed with each word. He actually struggled for breath at the end.

“That’s,” Jason frowned. “You know he was right, from his perspective. I did let him down, at the worse time possible. And, you know, I haven’t made it easier for myself. Talking back, goading him. He couldn’t have known about my plan for Penguin. He reacted strongly. I should have taken it into account.”

For a while, when Jason was speaking, Roy just gaped at him.

“You realize you made, like, five different excuses for him at the same breath?”

“They are no excuses. It’s what happened. I should have known, and should have been ready.”

“And that’s how you feel about it, huh? I had it coming, no hurt feelings?”

“I  _ had _ it coming,” Jason scoffed. “I can own my mistakes, I’m mature and shit now.”

Roy groaned and threw his hand over his face.

“Look,” Jason said. Then he couldn’t come up with anything else. “Fuck you. Fuck off.”

Roy was propelled forward. He sat up with his back to Jason, so Jason could barely read the tension in his muscles. What is this about, he didn’t get.

Then Roy turned back to him, expression calmer than Jason saw him ever have. He took Jason’s wrists in his hands, fingers at pulse points, the hold very loose. Jason huffed. If you held someone you could at least extort more pressure so they could feel it properly, but didn’t try to get free.

“Jason, buddy, can you tell me what happened that day?”

“I’m not doing this,” Jason snatched his hands away. “Whatever this is.”

“Jason. I’m being serious. I’m not asking you to, I asked if you are  _ able _ .”

“No,” Jason got up. “End of the simulation.”

The sun blinked out of existence, replaced by the daylight lights. Sand gave way to the unfinished floors. The walls rose all around them in place of palm trees. The room where Shay Veritas installed her holographic projection was not unexpected. He knew where he was. When. With whom.

Roy looked at him like Jason was a kicked puppy. That’s why it would never work between them. Like, oh no you poor thing, too bad my lease has a strict no-pets policy. Nevermind that Jason was a Pitbull they throw into fighting pits.

It stayed with him, though. The next time Jason and Roy visited the All-Acres, he said:

“Remember you wanted to know what happened after I shot the Penguin? Now you can.”

He nodded at S'aru who looked way to excited by the prospect. The kid needed to get a life.

Roy sighed and rubbed his face.

“I… I don’t think it will work, Jay. I visited your memories once, remember? Or, maybe you don’t, huh. It was your… Most precious memory, S'aru said. You did not even take it back. It was - you know, you got sick, a cold or something, but still, you wanted to go to a patrol. You were benched, though. Batman stayed with you. You spent the night binging movies in the living room.”

“Yeah?” Jason asked. For the “most dearest memory”, or whatever, it sounded kinda lame. Maybe that’s why he didn’t want it back. “So?”

“Yeah, but. You told me about the golden rule, no suits above the cave allowed.”

“So the old man gave me some slack ‘cause I was sick. And?”

“And you both were in suits, well above the Cave. I don’t think you can rely on memories all that much.”

Jason scoffed.

“You question me just because of one little detail you can easily explain away?”

“I don’t…”

“You know what? Forget it.”

Looked like S'aru just will have to get his kicks elsewhere.

He regretted the idea, now. He wanted to prove, to Roy, to himself, anyone, that everything was okay with his brain. Nothing weird was going on. Only expected that some things were lost over the years, became merely an impression of themselves. The anguish after founding his mother on the floor for the last time but not if she ever made him breakfast or checked his grades. The hate, the fear he felt about Willis but not why, exactly. The thing where the most understood and accepted he ever felt was with Talia, but not why they didn’t even speak anymore. What made him beat Drake up, or shoot Damian. Why Bruce…  _ Why _ _ Bruce _ a lot of things.

Stuff was lost over the years. It’s natural. It’s nothing to worry about. And even if he couldn’t exactly  _ recall _ what happened, he  _ knew _ what happened, or could deduce it in any case.

Everything was fine. He had not even seen his 16-years old ghost in a while.

Yeah. Everything was okay.


End file.
